Please listen to it. 마자
Do I sound like a betrayer if I say that I listened to 2PM’s new songs and liked it? I really don’t know what to do right now. I’m going crazy right now if that’s the right way to express myself. Am I their fan or their anti-fan? There’s been a lot of thoughts going in and out of my mind right now, so I’m going to spill it all… deep down on how I really felt for 2PM.
Ever since 2PM debuted, I became their number one fan. I was dedicated too. I listened to their songs every hour of my life. They were like supreme beings to me. Okay… whatever… we all know where this is going, we’ve been down this path before right? We were all their fans once before, so everybody should know how it felt like. I’m just going to talk about what happens after the BIG news that crushed our every hopes of Jaebeom returning … okay?
For the past few months of finding out that Park Jaebeom has been officially re-signed from 2PM, I completely fell over dead. I was so discombobulated. I couldn’t even go to sleep without thinking of Park Jaebeom. I was such a weak soul then. When I first got that one tearful phone call from my sister about the news, I felt like lowering my head onto the palms of my hands and sobbing it out, but unfortunately, I was on a bus with my friends, so I had to be strong and not show them my red eyes. A man should be tough and brave, but when something that means a lot to you just vanish so abruptly out of your life… just really crushed my heart. Somewhere deep down in my heart, I knew Jaebeom wasn’t ever going to return, but I was still in such disbelief that the first thing I did when I got off the bus was, checked the news. Right there in front of my eyes were in real print… I couldn’t believe it. I kept telling myself that this was just all a dream, nothing more, but I later acknowledged that I have to accept the truth or else we would be living in a world of lies.
Later that night in the hotel, surrounded with friends, and still keeping a straight face, I waited and waited for everyone to leave, but I decided to take a shower early. I’m telling you… every single minute and second… I was always thinking about Jaebeom. It started with only just a thought, but ended up with me sobbing. Right there and then I only wanted to go back in time and wished that nothing would happen. I didn’t want Jaebeom to go and leave behind his brothers, but I was so ignorant then…
I guessed that everybody who is reading this article right now has read the Sasaeng Accounts, right? Well, that was just another blow to the head for me. I felt so disgusted and dirty after reading it, but I know that I didn’t do anything wrong, but it was 2PM. Then on, I couldn’t even look at their pictures or watch their shows… afraid that I might become like them. My sisters and I began to become their official anti-fans. We were dedicated to destroy them and dirty their image and name. Were we successful? Nobody would ever know because we were just an insignificant soul in the world. Day and night I would find a way to destroy their reputation and spread it wide. I guess you can say that I didn’t have a life back then. I felt happy doing it though because it was like a revenge that I could do for Jaebeom. I kept thinking like that and hoped people would fight with me… and for Jaebeom. I became addicted, and none the less indulged in it, but something inside of me just kept bothering me. It was the guilt that I have nurtured. I felt horrible. I was just like anyone of those monster-anti-fans that I hated so much for destroying Idols’ life. I’ve stopped then on.
Right now I’m only supporting Jaebeom and Nichkhun, but I won’t make myself suffer and not listen to their songs because I know that Jaebeom will also be listening to their songs and hoping them the best, so will I too. On June 9th, I will be able to see Nichkhun^^, I’m so excited right now! I just can’t wait. I will sneak backstage:P even though I know the consequences. Just to see Nichkhun and get his autograph… I would be happy for years^^.
Currently I’m listening to 2PM’s newest song: 마자. And I truly like it. I don’t care if you bash me or anything, just do it. I stand for myself and for nobody. I am who I am.